Monday, September 28, 2009


I made it through another school dance, This one- Homecoming. After my kids first prom last fall I swore I was never doing another dance, but this was my son's girlfriend's homecoming, So what's a nice boy suppose to do?

Let me tell you about his limited dating experiences:

First date- Was suppose to be a double date with my son & date along with his friend & date. They planned to walk to an early movie (1:oo p.m.) then over to get an ice cream before walking home. Unfortunately, the friend canceled at the last minute!
Meanwhile, I had planned to take my daughter and her friend to the zoo, so instead of canceling his date, My son asked if his date would like to join us at the zoo.
I thought it was nice, even though rumor got round that "his mom" came on the date.
I took 1 photograph as we were leaving. (I'm entitled to a picture, right?)

Second date- Son asks girl from first date to Prom. This is where we ran into a miscommunication. Girl calls and asks me if there is going to be a second couple going, I say my daughter & her friend don't have dates, but are going anyway, girl says ok. Never says anything more to me, tells my son she doesn't know if she's going, her mom tells me, yes she's going, then girl tells my daughter, no she's not.
Then girl says yes she is, then calls me on Friday before my son's baptism and says no she's not. Then tells my son at his baptism, yes she is. I was ready to pull my hair out! I didn't know if I should order flowers or not, help plan a dinner or not, ask for another person to help me drive or not! Anyway it all came down to this girl chooses not to "single date" and wanted another couple to go. So in desperation I begged two other boys into going,(paid for 4 tickets) and then spent two days telling my daughter, her friend, (who were only 15, NOT dating age) and these two boys (who were dating age) that this "was not a date" and they were "not to couple up." We got her corsage at the last minute, (We had to take what we got at such short notice) Planned a quick sack dinner, which they ate in the church parking lot, and got all of them to the dance! It was one of the most stressful events of my life! And all of that could have been avoided if we all would had clarified our expectations.

Third date- New girl. Son takes her to a movie and out to eat. Another early afternoon, have her home by 8:oo p.m. I drove, dropped them off at the theatre, they watched the show then walked across the parking lot to Ihop for dinner. Son calls when they are done, I pick them up, drive girl home, son walks her to door, her mom talks to my son for a few minutes, we go home. NICE DATE! It was early, safe, and everyone had a nice time.

Homecoming- same girl from third date. Gets us information for dance 4 days before! I tell son, "no way am I going through the mess of prom." I make her corsage, tickets are bought at the door,(thank you, Lord) Son plans dinner after dance because he has a baseball game that afternoon, We get home to find grandpa has turned water off to hook up a valve for our soon-to-be basement bathroom! Showered and ready to go, We stop at the store for flowers, get lost trying to find the girl's house, (we had wrong address) meet the dad and step-mom, "who promptly tells me that girl is not allowed to single date! Says that they are not allowed to drive with me to the school (school is two-minute drive from house) and that they are GOING WITH THE KIDS TO THE DANCE!!!!! They had to drive in their minivan, they went to dinner AND sat at the same table, drove them home, and were sitting in the living room with them when I showed up to get my son at 10:45p.m.

I have no problem with double-dating! I like the idea, I support other parent's rights to make rules for their kids! BUT I get confused in the area of "acceptable standards". Why is it not acceptable for a girl to go to a chaperoned dance with a group consisting of 3 girls and 1 boy? Why is it not acceptable for your daughter to date before 16 but it's acceptable for her to go on a double date with friends who are only 15? Why is it not acceptable for a parent of a boy to drive him and his date to a chaperoned dance, but the parents of the girl are safe to do so? And why is it not safe for a couple to be at a chaparoned school dance together, but it is fine to let them go to a chaparoned church dance together? Do parents honestly believe that because it's a church there is never any mischief?

I am having a hard time seeing how people can learn to trust (or not to trust) their children to hold high standards if they are never given the opportunity to do so. Monitoring every move your teenager makes, in my opinion, just breeds resentment.
I choose to teach my kids to keep their standards high and to stand accountable for their behavior. Hopefully, others will recognize that my children are people of good character and that they try to respect the standards of those they date. I know from experience the attitude of rebellion and disrespect to parents who try to impose and enforce rigid rules of dating. I found a way around every one of them. I've been completely honest with my kids about the consequences of my attitude, and I do my best to let them decide what direction they want their life to go. One of my favorite sayings is, "there is a consequence for every action."

I am not trying to tell parents or teens how they should date. I think they should expect their dates to be safe, fun, and pressure-free. They're young, enjoy it. But I would really like for these people to remember a date does not consist of 1 person!
Remember to be considerate of the time and effort the other person puts into planning a date. Communicate and be forthcoming about your standards and expectations. Be courteous and appreciative to the other person. AND PLEASE, PLEASE,
PLEASE warn your date if your parents plan to butt in!!!

"The pleasure you get out of life is equal to the attitude you put into it"

1 comment:

  1. Amber... I honestly am scared to death for the whole dating thing with my boys. I think when it happens I'll be a total wreck, but like you, I want them to enjoy dating in groups, and with high standards, but not feel like mom is smothering them. I'm with you, "teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves." --


About Me

My photo
I am a wife by choice, mother by chance, massage therapist by trade, and saved by grace.