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I am having guilty feelings about asking for all the help we have needed. I'm really not trying to rob anyone, it's just that the past 6 months have been extreamly hard on my family. So to make myself feel better, and explain our need for help, let me tell it to you in a nut shell. (before I go nuts)

We are self-employed. We have been scince 2007 when my husband lost his job. I have no idea how to run a business, and was against it from the start. Over many, many, MANY tears, arguements, begging and promises, (tears were mine-promises my husbands) that we could do this, My family began our adventure into "Owning our own business."

We did very well through 2007 and into 2008. Well enough that we were able to finance (bad idea) a newer car, pay off my husband's work truck, and send our two kids to private school. (this has been a blessing for both of them) Our son will graduate highschool in May, with honors!

2009 Is another story all together. When people heard there was a resession
going on most of our customers quit paying their bills! I did everything I could to get them to pay including writing off portions of the bill, working out payment options, sending accounts to collections, and going to court for judgements.

We squeaked by through most of the summer but when Augest came around we started to really feel the strain. By the time November got here we were broke. The tears, arguements, and promises came back and so did FEAR!!! Winter is not a good time to be broke. So I started begging. I begged everyone, God, my family, God, my friends, Mostly God. We were living on food storage and savings.

Yes, I'm glad I had food storage. Yes, I'm grateful I had savings. Believe me, I am sssooooo grateful I listened to everyone's council to "prepare for a rainy day." The problem was we weren't prepared for the rainy months!! We weathered December well with some help from family and friends. January, I kept telling myself "you have enough so deal with it."
February came and we pulled out the little bit of food storage we had left and took stock. My kids started noticing the strain.

They are troopers. Ate what I made, offered sugestions on how to improve what I fixed with staples I had on hand. Pinched every penny they recieved knowing things were tight, AND not onced asked for anything they didn't need.

Let me rewind a bit. Throughout the 10 yrs. my husband has been on dialysis we have been told he did not qualify for a transplant. So we never prepared for one. It wasn't untill a change in doctor's in Augest 2009 that it was even a consideration. So planning and preparing for his transplant really hit us fast and hard.

The end of Februrary found us completly broke, again, only now I'm a charity case full time! We have maxed out the small line of business credit we have to pay for an unexpected truck repair, (does this sound familiar?) barrowed money from my parents twice,and every bill has been given a due date of "how long can we go before it gets shut off or reposessed?"

I walk to my mailbox in desparation every afternoon hoping that Business has blessed someone so they can pay us. I talk to God saying "you know our needs, please direct us to where we are supose to be!" I feel like accusing my bishop of not giving me the "compass" everyone else in my ward must surely have! And I am tired of trying to make it through today, hoping tomarrow will be better. (If you haven't noticed yet- I'm very good at sulking!)

Through all of this, people have been wonderful! I must be someone else's trial because the work and prayer and thought that has went into keeping me from giving up has been absolutly stunning! Thank you all for the HUGE EFFORT that is being put forth on our behalf! Your faith is carrying me through. You are angels at work!!! (And my finances are open for audit by anyone who wants to make sure I'm on the up & up before you help)

"God's help is nearer than the door."