Monday, October 18, 2010


Lately, I have been dissatisfied.

My son... I am worried, worried, worried, WORRIED!

My in-laws... If they fell off the earth tomorrow I am positive the sun would be shining and flowers would bloom.

My siblings... WHAT SIBLINGS????

My husband... Hmmmm, don't ask.

My daughter... she creeps around very quietly and is learning that I'm really not ignoring her, I'm just "zoning out".

My dog... Loving, absolutely LOVING the walks we have been on together. I'm sure HIS mind is clear when we get home.

My house... I heard somewhere that chronic messiness is a result of emotional trauma that has not been healed.

Church, for the moment, has been a chore.

At night I go to bed, lie there and think, get up and wander around, lie down and think some more, get up and re-start the cd, lie back down, drift off, dream awful things, get up, lie down, etc...

I try thinking about friends, I pray and hope I didn't leave anyone out, I listen to good, uplifting, inspirational music. I read.

Today I ate an apple. According to the experts on face book, it's suppose to get rid of a headache. According to my doctor, so is ibuprofen. Neither worked.

Over the weekend I managed to give myself an anxiety attack because my daughter bought an i-pod with her own cash.


I have taken all of this "junk" and tossed it at a greater power. He can have it.

Right at this moment I'm stuck in limbo. Desperate to gather it all up and bring it home again, knowing I can't do a thing with it, but resisting the desperation because I really don't want any of it.  It's my junk BUT I know it's JUNK!

What more is there to do? Worry? check. Loose sleep? check. Ignore housework? check. Exercise? check. Distance myself? check. See doctor? check. Pray? check. Prioritize? check.


I am waiting, it's miserable.

"If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,..."

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I am a wife by choice, mother by chance, massage therapist by trade, and saved by grace.