Friday, April 29, 2011


Let me tell you about my yard. My yard is the joke of the neighborhood. I even have a neighbor who has complained to me about it every year for the 16 years I have lived here! (when we moved in it was basically dirt, garbage and dog poop with a border of fence high weeds so I wonder what she had to say to the family that lived here before me?) This year when she suggested landscaping I barked back, "How can you complain? EVERY SINGLE FLOWER IN MY YARD IS IN BLOOM!" Hey, dandelions are to a flower!

I hate yard work! It's a chore! I don't find gardening relaxing- only crazy people do! Pulling weeds is a punishment for bratty kids when they are grounded to keep their parents from burying them out in the yard!
I don't care if my "grass" is comprised mostly of weeds, it's green isn't it?!

So every spring I watch and hope for a long wet season. Then I wait until the neighbors start their yard grooming and I wait until everyone is done before I even consider mowing mine. inevitably, the weed/grass is almost knee high before I make any attempt to cut it. Well, this year our lawn mower wouldn't start. My husband told me last year it was time to replace it. (I bought it in 2000) He even wanted to buy one while they were on sale at the end of last year, BUUTTT NOOOO, I wouldn't even look because I was still in my "we don't have any money stage" from April.

We have been really busy this last month so yesterday I borrowed a push (reel) lawn mower from my neighbor. You know, the kind people used before lawn mowers had engines. My thinking was I would just zoom around the lawn while the blades snipped all the weeds down, leaving tidy little clippings, in tidy little rows behind me to be raked up.


First, my daughter wrestled it down the street into our yard because we couldn't get the wheels to turn. Her friend called her dad to ask him how it works and he told us, "you just push it!" Then I discovered it had rusted from being left out for the season so one-half a can of WD-40 and allot of pushing and pulling we finally got the blades to turn.

Next came the turtle derby. My daughter, her friend, and I took turns shoving this demonic contraption into our forest inch by inch, cheering on the efforts of each other and passing the can of oil down the line when the blades would freeze up, for the next hour and a half! Let me tell you, the vegetation was not going down without a fight!! After winding itself around the blades, wheels, and frame we would yank the mower back and rip the grass out by the roots! (kinda like what happens when you wind your hair up in a round brush)
We had quite the audience. people were coming out on their driveways to watch, point fingers, and chuckle. I also saw allot of cell-phone activity so I'm hoping you-tube pays!!

We cut 12 feet before calling it a night.

On to phase three. This morning I was determined to get the yard done before the neighbors got home from work. I was out bright and early, had the mower oiled and I was ready to roll when my husband walked out the door to leave for work. He took one look at me and said, "where did you get THAT?! I borrowed it from the neighbors, I shot back. He got a really big grin on his face, walked to his truck, and as he was leaving I could see the phone being raised to his ear while he was laughing!!! (I am positive my dad was laughing on the other end of the line too)

Now I am feeling P-r-e-t-t-y- p-r-i-c-k-e-l-y!!! People use to do this all the time! We have just gotten lazy!
I'll show them all! I am going to finish this lawn even if it kills me!!

I pushed, pulled, hacked, yanked, lunged and dragged that torture device across my yard for three more hours all the while thinking, "maybe I could cut some circles in the middle and claim they're crop-circles", "maybe I could bunch the tufts together with ribbon and add dandelion blossoms for eyes and call them troll dolls", and my favorite, "maybe I'll just do 2 more feet and leave the rest for my daughter". Finally I had to take a break. The dog was getting heat-stroke and I had someone coming for a massage.

My "other mother" loved her massage and as she was leaving said to me, "I can't believe you are using that to mow your lawn." She owns goats and I had thought to borrow a few for the weekend but apparently they only eat "gourmet" hay. (he,he,he they are very pampered, very round little goats) Of course I protested, Oh it's fine I'm almost done!

 In the final stretch. It's early evening and I'm finishing the last bit of yard when my neighbor who lives behind me comes out to get the mail. "Is that very hard to use? because I'm thinking about getting one so I don't have to pay my lawn care guy." For just a fraction of a second I consider lying to save my pride but she doesn't deserve it so I tell her that the mower would do if she got a new one, took care to keep it from rusting, wanted to mow every week because the grass doesn't cut well if it's to long, and only if she really loved a good workout and worshiped the devil! (just kidding)

So after 5 achy, determined, prideful hours the lawn is mowed. When I got a good look at it I couldn't help but think of a comic strip from "Calvin & Hobbes". My yard looked like a maniac attacked it with a hacksaw! I'm to tired to care so I drag myself inside to feed our new kitty (a story for another time) and soon I hear the sound of a trimmer and then a lawn mower. It sounds really close so I get up and look out my window. There giving my lawn a "proper trim" is a couple from my church! WOW! They had been doing their own yard when they heard what I was using to do mine and came over to help!

My heart warmed right up!!! This is the reason I need "other siblings". Good thing I've already adopted them. They told me I was to let them know if I needed help and they would be more than willing! This, my friends, is Christ at work!!

Later, when my husband got home he asked me who did the yard. I told him, "I DID!" and then explained the rest. He said it looked to good for me to have done it with the mower I was using. I just say it looks good. period.

Now I think my husband should have to clean out the car port.

"That was the day my friend hit God's mark perfectly."

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I am a wife by choice, mother by chance, massage therapist by trade, and saved by grace.