I was cleaning out a drawer in my bedroom and found a bottle of lotion from Victoria's secret. It was still wrapped in it's pretty pink box with a ribbon tied around it.
I got this lotion from a company party years ago as a "thank you to the wives." It represents one of my not so well mannered moments and when I found it I literally felt my face turn red with embarrassment. After that I was flooded with memories of probably every embarrassing moment I ever caused myself!
Sometimes having a really good memory does more harm than anything. You know the saying, "we are our own worst enemy"? That is true for me!
So while I was wallowing in self pity for all those times I made an absolute idiot of myself I had what I will call a "Beth Moore" moment. I started thinking "why did I act like that?" and "what was going on around me that played into those behaviors?" I just let my mind start building up all these bricks, randomly spaced but labeled with great big red letters that flashed "STUPID", "CRAZY", "OMG", & "WTF"!!! My wall was becoming really, really high and really, really wide. But in between were these spaces where one brick didn't meet with the other brick and the light was shining through.
I stared at my wall a long time.
I took a good hard look at all my ugly red letters.
I held my hand out to touch a beam of light.
I decided I would keep my wall because it was my life that built it and yes, those bricks cast shadows- but if there were no shadows, would I seek out the light?
The ugly words I'll keep too. after all, why spend the time trying to scrub them away when there is a completely blank wall on the other side. The only person who can see my ugly red letters is standing here looking at them.
I'm not going to try to fill in the spaces. I'm going to use them as hand and foot holds to help me climb. I don't hate my wall, It took years to create! It's big! It's heavy! It's MONSTROUS!!!
Just think how nice it will be once I get over the top- the only thing that can get through my wall...is light!
(the lotion went into the garbage after I slapped some BIG RED letters on the package) LOL!!!
"It's not about culture, it's about ego. We all have one."
March 2018 :)
2 months ago