Tuesday, November 8, 2011


I had a friend who posted on F.B. the question- "how do you tell young kids about suicide?" My suggestion to her and what I told my kids was the devil deceived them into such a state of misery that they felt the only choice was to end their life. Of course many people commented on the post, one person even said telling kids that the devil deceived them is like saying a person with cancer is deceived. I disagree. Not everyone with a mental disease is suicidal but everyone with cancer is sick!

A few weeks ago, my husband went to a cousin's funeral. This cousin's mother had died a couple of months back & from what we were told he was struggling with the loss, graffiti his house with spray paint & then shot himself in the head. His dad found him. Misery!

This was the 3rd suicide in my husband's family in 25 years. My own family has had 1 and I have had two other people I was close to also take their lives. So I have been affected by 6 suicides in my life. Does that make me an expert? NO! but I think I have gained insight into a devastating situation & I don't think my opinion is incorrect.

I don't think suicide is caused from mental illness.
I don't think every suicide victim suffers from a mental illness.
I don't think every suicide is preventable.

I do, however, believe every suicide is a choice. Some will say, "they didn't have a choice" but in reality everyone does. But maybe, at that very minute they think the only peace to be found is death.

I have been there. I remember driving, crying so hard my chest hurt, so filled with hate & rage & despair that I thought how easy it would be to crash my car and end my misery! Looking back now, that moment wasn't the end of the world and things did get better but at the time I couldn't see it! Was it the devil talking to me? ABSOLUTELY!! Was I mentally ill? NO! I was lost & hurting, but the strength was found to pull myself away and choose a different path. Not everyone finds that strength. DECEPTION!

I came across another's blog, she was struggling with the pain of her brother's suicide. The hurt and the confusion were there. Reading her blog was so painful. She was close to her brother, loved him, missed him! Do you think he loved her too? I do. Can you imagine him thinking about his family in those last moments? I can. Can you see the despair & misery he had to be feeling to leave loved ones behind aching, so he could be free of his own pain? I've seen that in my own son's eyes. It is beyond heartbreak!

So, usually when something bothers me I start writing. Most of the time it's very plain & used for scrap afterwards, but every once in a while the words are inspired by someone greater than myself and I find understanding. After I was done writing this I mailed a copy to the woman who lost her brother asking it to be kept private for no other reason than I hate my words to be passed about without thought. This is my heart speaking and I really don't want it bruised. I was going to mail a copy to my German-speaking friend in Texas but never got around to it, so I am going to post it here. Hopefully she will find what she was looking for too.

Remember, please don't "steal" from my blog. Please be respectful of the one these words were meant to heal. Please be gentle with those who struggle and help to bring love into hearts that hurt. Only heaven holds all the answers.

Dear Sister,

Today I watch you struggle with heartache. I know the pain you are feeling for I've felt that same pain consume my own heart. The world can be a cruel place, full of deception and despair. The trials pressed upon our brother were hard. I watched his battle. There was not a moment when he found himself on his knees that I was not beside him. "brother, I am here," I cried, "give me your tears."

Our Father wept also. "there is no greater sorrow for a parent, than to watch a child suffer." He said. "the deceiver is strong but he will not take this son, for he is mine!" Our Father told me, "the end will not be easy, you must reach for him. Do not let this soul perish in darkness. In his last hour he will feel your hands, you are the light."

So I watched and I prepared. I asked our Father for blessings of strength to be given to all of you. Knowing that your hearts would be strained, I begged our Father to let you notice the smallest pleasure. That you would see beyond the harshness of man to the beauty of nature. Every raindrop, every burst of sunlight, every blossom that sprouted from the earth would bring wonderment and joy into your lives.

I gifted you the blessing of knowledge. You can find release of the angst and hurt of "what might have been" if you embrace what you know to be true. Find comfort, sister, in knowing all is possible through Me. I am the light.

Know that in his darkest hour, our brother, bound by the chains of this world found release as he left it. Loved ones gathered him near and here he stands protected. Until the final hour when our Father calls to his angels and heaven and earth are joined, remember I hold him safe. Mourn for only a short time, beloved, then let me heal your spirit.

The plan of salvation is sound. Our Father knows the burden of every soul, the intent of every man, and the pure love of every spirit. To Him I begged forgiveness of every sin. My sacrifice is sufficient. My love is enough. I stretch my hands out to you, Walk in the light of the Lord, for he loves each of us. Keep strong, hold true, and you will find peace.


"I am the light..."

1 comment:

  1. Hey! I am your German-speaking Texas friend! :) I feel famous now. THANKS for your thoughts and words. I definitely see both sides of the suicide situation. For some I think, mental illness has really engulfed them. For others of us, sometimes even with whatever level of depression we are facing, we still KNOW that Satan is trying to take over our lives, our decisions, and our agency. The letter is beautiful. Thank you! Love you guys.


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I am a wife by choice, mother by chance, massage therapist by trade, and saved by grace.