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These last few days have been hard.

Friday, I had to take Radar into the vet. His ear was bleeding and his eye looked funny. While we were there the vet swabbed his ear to see if it was infected. When he put the swab in, Radar's ear exploded with blood! It reminded me of a water balloon bursting. I felt so bad.

The vet told me it was probably a brain tumor. He said there was pressure behind his eye. I could believe that, Radar seemed to be hurting. Totally depressing diagnosis.

I brought him home for the weekend with a bottle of antibiotics. This is my hoping-but-really-knowing-it-won't-help last ditch effort to keep him around a little longer. After all, We hadn't made his day taking him to the vet.

So, over the weekend my daughter and I pampered and loved our little "senior citizen" (that's what we called him when he started to loose his teeth and hearing) Saturday night we noticed he started to stumble around and then I knew it wouldn't be long.

Sunday, we sat him in the sun. He ate cookies and had cat-nip and all the loves he could stand. that night he wouldn't eat. My daughter cried when she went out to bring him in for the night & he couldn't walk to her without falling over.

Monday morning he couldn't use his back leg. I set him out on the porch bench in the sun & took my daughter to school. When I got back Radar's eye was swollen.

It was time to say goodbye.

So after an hour of holding, brushing, loving and crying we went back to the vet. I wrapped him in a blanket and set him in my lap and petted him until he was gone.

I bawled all the way home.

When my daughter was out of school, I had to tell her Radar was gone. Then we cryed the rest of the afternoon. Later she said she was really tired, I told her crying always makes you tired. So we just sprawled out on my bed together in the quiet until it was actually time to go to bed.

I really think loosing a pet is as hard as loosing a person. I know having Radar in our family all these years, raising him, watching him rule the neighborhood, cleaning his battle wounds (he went to the vet more than any of the others) watching him grow from kitten to cat to elder, seeing him slow down and being glad he didn't wander as much, having to stop the car half-way up the driveway because he was in the way, clanging the metal food dishes together so he could hear it was time for dinner, and washing his face because he couldn't do it anymore BUILDS A CONNECTION! I loved him and he loved me back.

I am going to miss our "old man".

"The sweetest sound in the world is a cat purring."